Granted, I wasn't eating super healthy, eating mostly pop tarts or bagels at school. But I'd eat a full, good, dinner that my mom had made that would be ready every night when I got home from school. But I was eating. It was just that I was working out my body a lot.
Regardless, I purposely tried to gain some weight to fight any speculation from my parents and anyone else. This was the worst thing I could do. Purposely gain weight, after trying and wanting to lose it so bad.
Then I became so upset with myself after gaining weight again to fight any speculation about my rapid weight loss that I was determined to lose it again. Now when I say weight gain, it wasn't a lot. I didn't gain back ALL that I had lost. But it was enough to be noticeable and enough to fuck with my head.
I became overly concerned, borderline obsessed, with my weight. I would weigh myself every day, which is the worst thing you can do. But at the time, I felt it was the only way I could keep myself in check. Don't do this, it just makes things worse.
It's hard, because I feel like anyone who has ever been overweight or "heavy" at one point in their lives fears it forever. You're always afraid to gain weight because you don't want to go back to that place again. No matter how comfortable you become with your weight, or no matter how happy you are to be thin or not be fat, you still fear it. I know I do. I know one thing I'm dreading is when the time comes to have children. I know weight gain is normal and is bound to happen, but I'm afraid, I don't want to be fat again, even if it is "baby weight".
Yo Yo Dieting is bad. It takes a toll on your body and your metabolism. Yet, so many people do it. While it's not deemed an official eating disorder, it is a medical concern because of the effect it has on the body. Yo Yo Dieting starts with the determination to lose weight or the beginning of a diet. There is success, we become happy with the weight loss. But then we get off track, start "cheating" on our diet, and gain weight again. Then we feel guilty and get back on track again. And the cycle continues. For some people it's not so bad, for others it's to the extreme. One famous example of an extreme Yo Yo Dieter is Renee Zellweger. That woman has gained and lost extreme amounts of weight that she doesn't look like the same person. Yes, she's an actress and sometimes has to gain or lose weight for movie rolls, but she's done it so much that it's really unhealthy. Here's one image, but you can Google search her and weight, and you'll see so many different weights she's been.
I yo-yo dieted in high school, especially because I was determined to be skinny, even when I was thin, but because of fencing I had gained weight –– muscle mass. At the time, I didn't know the difference, all I saw was the number on the scale, and I hated it. If I could go back in time and slap my 16/17 year old self, I would. I think it partially had to do with the times, skinny women were "beautiful" but now, it's about being fit, having muscle and/or being toned. Curves are sexy. Which is how it once was anyway (i.e. Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Paige, etc), so I guess weight is like fashion which goes through cycles, so does what is thought of as beautiful. Which is unfortunate because it messes with girls (and guys) heads.
It's a matter of finding that perfect balance between what you eat, how much you eat, and how active you are. And like I'm constantly saying, everyone's body is different. You need to know how your body is and what works for you. There are so many different diet plans and exercise plans that you can find one that works for you. It may take some time, and trial and error, but something will work best for you.
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